In our present-day world, change is inevitable.  There is change in our work, family, health, circle of friends, residence, finances, and emotional state.  The most difficult change is the change that happens in our lives that we do not choose.   Some of you may be familiar with the helpful Serenity Prayer used in 12-step Support Groups:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

How are YOU at dealing with change?  Do you resist it, fight it, become bitter, afraid, resentful, angry?   These are common but not helpful reactions to change which take away our peace and serenity. 

A more healthy reaction to change is to work to embrace it, to “accept it” as the Serenity Prayer states, and find ways to adapt to it. 

First, one might EVALUATE the situation.  Why did the change occur?  From where did the change originate?  How will it affect your life?  And, most importantly, how can you benefit from the change? 

A second step is to ANALYZE your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  “What am I thinking about this situation?”   “How am I feeling about it?”  “Are my reactions appropriate?” 

Then, adopt a problem-solving approach.   Write out your choices.  Note the consequences of each choice.  Make a decision as to which choice to pick.  Follow through with your decision.  Evaluate the outcome of your decision.    Emphasize successes.  Learn from your mistakes.  Realize your limitations. 

You might also compromise, suggest alternatives.  Develop a positive attitude.  Become action-oriented.  And finally, “accept the things you cannot change.” 

These activities will help you overcome your resentment toward the change, be more productive, move forward, and once again find peace and serenity in your life.

Workplace stress is huge.  According to the American Institute of Stress, workplace stress causes approximately one million U.S. employees to miss work each day.  According to the British Medical Journal, work-related stress can double one’s risk of dying from heart disease.

These stats are not meant to frighten you…just to get your attention.  The goal of this blog is to instill some awareness of how you can have an influence in creating a work environment that feels good…and enhances wellness.

First off,  just to get a perspective, according to a poll taken by Paul Bernston of Cornell University, “office politics” was cited as the leading cause of stress at work.  It’s important to be mindful of this as it can creep up in subtle ways.  My policy has been to keep my focus on the tasks at hand (ie. doing a good job) and to steer clear of toxic people and conditions. 

 One way this might show up is when a co-worker makes a habit of coming to you with a problem and expects you to take responsibility for it.  Avoid letting other people’s problems become yours.  A great read, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff at Work, offers this advice: “If someone throws you the ball, you don’t have to catch it.”  You can limit your contribution instead of taking on the task itself.

Also, ever hear the old adage, “kill ‘em with kindness”?  The best way to quickly interrupt a gossipy comment is to offer a kind word.  ‘Civility in the Workplace’ is a hot topic right now…and rightly so.  When folks are kind and considerate of each other, there’s an atmosphere of trust.  And, working in an atmosphere of trust goes a long way towards feeling good about coming to work everyday!

Here’s some more tips for creating a positive work environment for yourself.
• Set daily goals.  When scheduling your day, assume that something unexpected will come up.   Build in a cushion of time to deal with it.
• Try your best to eliminate interruptions.  Select a time of day when you will return phone calls and e-mails.  Otherwise, let your voicemail take messages.  You can also create an e-mail auto-reply to let folks know their message has been received so they don’t try to contact you repeatedly.
• Delegate routine tasks.
• Work in a well-lit and comfortable area.
• Take a work break every 2 hours away from your work area, if possible.
• If you feel overwhelmed with a project, put it aside for awhile and shift to less demanding work.
• Put something in your work environment or office to remind you of pleasant things and take you out of your frantic mindset; read or listen to something that will either inspire you or bring you peace.
• Use the everyday cues in your environment as reminders to “center” yourself (eg. the telephone ringing, turning on the computer, etc.)
• Let go of control issues.  How much of the pressure you are feeling really comes from outside, and how much is actually from you?
• Last but not least…when you leave work, leave your work behind!  Allow your time off to replenish you.

So, here’s to a happy work environment…and a happier person!

As fresh as new snow are the resolutions we choose each new year to make positive improvements in our personal life. Many explore ideas of wellness:  lose weight, smoke less, and exercise more. Yet only a small number of individuals are successful with their decision to improve.

Why do we experience failure with New Year Resolutions? The lack of success can be due to motivation decreasing, old habits returning, and depression beginning. During the gray months of the year, some individuals get the “Winter Blues” also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Research indicates a cause of SAD is due to a lack of vitamin D found in sun light, which affects the “feel good chemical” of the brain, serotonin. As serotonin decreases, mood may change to sad, grumpy, or lonely. A loss of interest in normal activities, sleep difficulties, and weight gain may also emerge as a result of SAD.  Lack of light and decrease in positive activity perpetuate the feeling of being “blue” ultimately negatively affecting a new start to the New Year. 

However, making a choice to overcome the “winter blues,” creating a detailed time-specific plan, and finding support from others can create an opportunity for a successful new start to the New Year. If you feel you need support with creating or following a plan to overcome the “winter blues”, call Harbor Symmetry Wellness at 419-475-5338. We understand that everyone needs a little help sometime; no matter what time of the year.

Happy New Year!

Once again, as we turn the corner on 2011, it’s time to reflect on the new year ahead.  I typically spend some time mentally reviewing those events that occurred in the past year that shaped my growth, some painful, some not.  I then use those significant events as indicators for what I want to have happen in the next year.

All in all, I’ve found that this exercise is imperative for ensuring that I get to have a say in creating a better life for myself.  Otherwise, life kind of unfolds by default.  That’s not to deny that “things happen”.  I know that there are many events that are simply out of our control.  But, recognizing that we have the ability to choose our reactions to these events, is what truly GIVES us control!  (Thus, we really do have a say in creating the lives we want!)

In addition to looking back and learning from the past, however, I’ve also found it useful  to “pre-pave” the future.  How do we do that?  By “dreaming about”, imagining, or visualizing scenarios of success, abundance, prosperity, joy, peace, etc. (you name it…)  In other words, you begin to build in your mind what you want your life to look like.  According to many studies in brain science, it appears that when we do this our brains begin to formulate thoughts and behaviors that are aligned with making these “scenarios” come to fruition.  I remember hearing Katie Holmes of Toledo claim in an interview that she “dreamed” that one day she’d be married to Tom Cruise…and look what happened!

It’s really a great thing to do even on a daily basis!  I invite you to try this.  When you wake up each morning, have your first thought be, “What do I want this day to look like?”  Not only do you get to start the day on a positive note, but you also plant suggestions in your mind that will start to play out through your behaviors. 

On a larger scale, I definitely invite you to try “pre-paving” this next wonderful year of 2012.  I invite you to turn this year into one of possibility.  Into the best year ever!

Peace.

Recently I have had clients say to me in my office that “He (she) is 18 now—-I’ve done my job.”  However, the reality is that parenting is a life-long task.   The responsibilities may be of a different nature when the children have become adults legally, but parental input and assistance is often needed long after the 18th birthday. 

Many times, due to our troubled economy and the young person’s lack of direction and goals, the “older than 18” son or daughter remains living in the parent’s home.  In those situations the parent provides a roof over the child’s head, food and perhaps other kinds of assistance due to the “child’s” inability to find a job, get into school, or lack of desire to live independently.  My advice to parents in these circumstances is that while it is good to provide assistance to the adult child, the parents need to have certain requirements of the child.  The adult child needs to help with housework, be looking for a  job, or be in the process of getting admitted to some post high school training.  

For the parent to not have these expectations would enable the child to not have to learn to stand on their own two feet.   Such would not be a service to the child.  Parents won’t be around forever to see to it that the adult child’s needs are taken care of.  For parents to not insist their child take on certain responsibilities, would be crippling for the adult child.  There may be extenuating circumstances where the adult child is a “special needs” child,  where the parents need to continue providing special assistance to the individual.  However, even in those situations, the child needs to be expected to do all that they are capable of toward becoming more independent (e.g, gaining access to treatment, programs, or a group home). 

There may be a divorce and the adult child and the grandchildren need to return home to live with the parents  for a period of time due to inability to support themselves, or due to financial problems that result from the divorce.  In these situations, the parents’ role is to be supportive emotionally, to help provide for physical needs, but to also guide the adult child in finding ways to once again becoming independent. 

Perhaps there is serious illness with the adult child or the adult child’s children.   When adult children have children of their own, they need advice and guidance about how to get through pregnancy, and how to parent.    The adult child may live independently, but need emotional support from their families of origin, when painful circumstances arise.

So, is parenting required after they are 18?   Absolutely!    If you need assistance in how to parent your adult children, don’t hesitate to contact Harbor Symmetry Wellness EAP coaching for help in this area.